Tuesday, February 7, 2012

....And Our Flag Will Be Woven From Beard Hair.

I probably don't need to clarify this point, but I am the creepy guy, YES, "that" guy. I've actually seen people pull their children closer as I pass them on the sidewalk, and women, (and some men), will cross the street to get away from me. I'm the guy that you'll avoid speaking to at any cost because there's "just something about me that doesn't sit right," with you, in the gut area. That's right, I'm a creep.
"Eww, gross, that guy is smiling at me, I hope he doesn't try to talk to me. Hurry Bridget, look un-welcoming."
I've had the smoky, intense, and full flavored pleasure of listening to young women talk about, "that creepy guy was checkin' us out, eewwwww gross, no way, you look like your wearing an adult diaper." Sometimes I AM THAT GUY, but sometimes I just hear people talk about their encounters with other creeps. When you get to listen in on these conversations it's exhilarating but suicide-encouraging, and accidentally overhearing people talk about you like you are a slimy turd in their walking path and they have to call in men in bio-hazard suits to remove you and flush you away truly makes you a stronger person. Just by acknowledging that I've "over-heard" these conversations makes me very creepy to some people. "What a creep, he was eavesdropping, get a life, loser, and stop trying to listen in on other people's conversations." Listen Captain Litebier, you and your bros were having a "Yell-Off," so it was hard to not be part of the public theater you call a private conversation.

Fortunately for me the bad feelings about being a creep have subsided if not completely gone away and now I am 100% accepting of myself. I occasionally trend over into Pride concerning my debatable Creep status. Hopefully it's not resentment fueling this pride and I'm now just capable of liking me more and refuse to let someone's shitty attitude about me make me feel badly. To me, Pride is Step #1 towards becoming a bully. I never try to creep people out, but I am aware that I do succeed in accomplishing this at times. Now I see it as "their" problem that they need to deal with where back in the day I would get full of shame and embarrassment and want to flee the area out of a misguided desire to "not be a burden to other people."

FUCK 'EM. Do I bother you, Miss? Tough shit, now get outta the way so I can reach the mayonnaise, and maybe next time you leave the house put on less "eau de toilette", you smell like you're trying to cover up a toilet and your tits aren't so great they need to be out that much. And even if your tits are that great, keep 'em put up sometime and rely on more meaningful things to communicate your presence and power to the world. What do you know? What do you think? Describe to me your ideas, or do you just talk shit about other people all the time? I know, Creepy with a Capital 'C', right? Being genuine is fuckin' creepy.

While women are guiltier than men in complaining about, sticking their noses up at, and avoiding creeps, men do it too. You see, little boys and girls are often raised by men and women who subscribe to very strict socialization patterns that are gender specific. There's really no need for much of this bullshit, but like any good bullshit this bullshit has staying power. I feel women do this more than men but believe me I've heard plenty of dudes cackle and bitch to each other about how someone else "isn't doing it right," or, "has no idea how much of a tool he is."

Don't let your individual identity be swallowed up and shat out by shooting for the safety of the middle ground all of the time. Be you, be happy with you, and don't put up with this superficial shit from people who are afraid to be themselves. Next time you hear some jackasses talking crap about someone else give 'em an earful of truth. They won't shut up or back down and it will be a splendid shouting fight, but you will have done the right thing and maybe there will be witnesses to your glory. People will see this and be motivated to join the bloody fray against self-elected, "Cool People."

Cool People are the worst kind of people. I have spoken, NOW GO!


ps. It's been proven by science that over 90% of the people who self-identify as being "big nerds" about one thing or another are just cool people who played a video game once and picked out some cool frames at the optometrist's office. They are not nerds, they are posing out, and they're posing hard. Talk to them about it, calmly, then neatly remove one of their knee-caps and use it as a key fob. They must be stopped, it might get bloody, this is not your fault but it was made to be your problem by cowards and you must mark them.

pps. NO, nothing "happened," to me. My feelings were not hurt by anyone, but I go outside from time to time, always alone, and I observe and then I have thoughts about my observations, these are some of them.


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